Sunday, February 12, 2012

You Might Be A Farmer If:

*you can tie a tarp down over a round bale with baling twine in a bow while wearing clumsy gloves and standing in the rain/snow/wind/mud.

*you're used to hay seeds, etc on your jeans/boots.  Brush em off, they'll grow again somewhere.

*you layer up every hour on the hour to make sure that your chickens' water is unfrozen and to check for eggs that are also hopefully unfrozen.  Sometimes you may even traumatize the chickens as you lift them off the nests because, dangit, you're out here and they better have laid an egg.

*you spend time out in the freezing cold every morning to pick greens (clover, chickweed, grass) for your chickens so they'll be healthier and lay better eggs.  (GET ON WITH IT!"--what I say to my chickies when they've been in the nest box for over an hour.  Monty Python fans should like this.)

*you keep a hose in your basement so you can water your horses without carrying buckets from the house, hefting them up over the fence, and dumping them in the water trough (and wearing most of said water).  You also closely watch the weather report so that you can be reasonably sure your hose won't freeze in place.

*you actually freeze cubed vegetables and water bottles to give your chickens something cool to eat/nestle up to in hot weather.  You take the bottles out several times a day.  Chicken addict speaking. 

*you think your ancient tractor is cooler than most modern cars (notice I said MOST.  If someone gave me a Veyron, I wouldn't turn them down.  In the meantime, our old Allis is pretty amazing.)

My dream car:  the Bugatti Veyron Pur Sang.  $3 million.  8.0 litre quad turbocharged W16 engine with 900-1000 HP.   Top speed:  over 250 MPH.  Photo from and info at
Yeah, like that would last on Kansas roads.  At least a girl can dream. 
Our old Allis in front of our old barn.  $1200.  I have no idea of the horsepower.  Hey, it works.  Thank GOD.

*you've ever said "wheeeee!" while driving a tractor down the road at 15 MPH.  OR . . .

*your neighbor loaned you their Rhino, let you tool it around out in the pasture and you were yelling "WOOHOOOO!!!  I'M HAVING MORE FUN THAN A TORNADO IN A TRAILER PARK!"

*you know your neighbors' vehicles and wave to them whenever you see them . . .OR . . .

*you lift 2 fingers or touch your hat when passing absolute strangers.

*you start seeds in the cellar under grow lights in January and wonder when the cops are going to thermal image you . . .then imagine their faces as they see that it's just beets and chard.

*you look at piles of deadwood along the highway and wonder if those folks would let you come out to cut it up for firewood.

*you explain to everyone you know the benefits of hoophouses and cold frames.

*oh yeah, and how to get your chickens to fertilize the hoophouses for you.

*Did I mention composting?  Dang, I meant to.  I probably didn't mention vermiculture either.

*vermiculture is growing worms to help you with composting.  You can also use them for chicken food in winter.  Or bait . . .don't even get me started on worm threaders.

*you get really excited about ways that you can give back to the land instead of stripping it for what it can do for you.

Farming isn't a dirty word.  Farmers aren't dirty people.  Sure, some of us are lunatics . . .but people said that about Edison and Einstein too.  Call me Farmerstein.  Just don't call me late for dinner, because I cooked it.  If I'm late, it's burnt.

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